Tuesday, 28 June 2016

Under Pressure


In a months time I will be 25, officially in my mid twenties and that's scary. But that's another post for another time. This fast approaching birthday has got me thinking what I'd like out of this next chapter in my life though and the one thing that keeps popping up is to not be so hard on myself. I put a ridiculous amount of, often unnecessary, pressure on myself in every aspect of my life and do you know what? It's getting very tiring. I have to be the best, pass things the first time, understand things the first time, I'll struggle to complete things on my own so I don't have to ask for help all because in my own mind if I don't do these things then I've failed. 

I have an idea of what I should have achieved by this stage in my life which just adds more pressure. I can't help but compare myself to others of a similar age to myself then I feel like a failure.

This pressure very often doesn't come from anyone or anywhere else but myself. I'm tired of being so hard on myself and stressing myself out. I also fear though that it's so ingrained into me that I don't know how to change it. How can I be easier on myself and realise that relaxing a little doesn't mean I've failed?

I've always had to work hard for the things I've achieved especially in education. I've never been someone who is naturally good at something, who can not revise and still get good grades, who can't put the effort in and maybe that's where all this comes from. Throughout school, college and university I put pressure on myself to do well, I knew I had to work hard to achieve good grades but now it seems that's spilled over into every aspect of my life. 

There's a fine line between pushing yourself to do well and carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. I'd like my mid twenties and beyond to be a little less stress free than what my early twenties have been. I'd like to accept myself and my life and be a little more comfortable with what I'm achieving, not comparing myself to others. I'd like to work hard but not to the point of completely stressing myself out.

Here's to not putting myself under so much pressure and caring about the unimportant stuff a little less.

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